Energetic resonance is the quality of sameness. When we have energetic resonance either within ourselves, within aspects of ourselves or between ourselves and another person, we begin to cultivate a sense of connection and safety within ourselves and in our relationships.
Before we do, I want to let you know that I wrote a book for you. Align: Living and Loving from the True Self is a comprehensive map of how to come back home to the truth of who you are and how to honor this deeply sacred place within yourself, as you connect with the people in your life, and a line is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I also created these self-guided alignment cards for you. There are 48 cards in this deck, and each card has a really sacred wisdom, teaching and sentence stem to support you into deepening into your own contemplative transformation, and as well as in your work with clients. If you are a therapist or a coach, and these are only available on the spiritually aligned.com.
Whenever I am teaching new therapists or coaches, and they watch me do a demo, there is always this inquiry of How do I cultivate such deep connection, while also staying in contact with my own sense of energy. How do I not conflate my energy with my clients energy, but also meet my clients where they are, and the answer to this is energetic resonance. An energetic resonance is something that I do with my children, with my husband, with my clients as well as with myself, and even when I am leading groups, so even in group workshops or with my students, because I have found that energetic resonance is the only way that I feel connected and safe within my being as I connect with the people around me.
Resonance is a quality of sameness. It isn’t about being identically the same. It’s about finding that place within ourselves where we also feel and have a reference point to what others might be, feeling our best guess at finding that same quality within ourselves that the people around us might be feeling. And to do this while also staying in connection with the full truth of who we are. So that we’re not only in energetic resonance, we’re also in energetic fullness. We can come into deep, beautiful, and intimate, emotionally intimate connection with all the people in our lives.
Before I talk about how to do this with other people, I want to first talk about how to find energetic resonance with ourselves. So this might seem like a very abstract idea if this concept is new to you. In the field of counseling and psychotherapy there’s a lot of talk about parts work. And in Gestalt psychotherapy, which is what I teach at the university we talk about a top dog and an underdog in in an internal polarity within ourselves. So the part of ourselves that manages how we feel, that manages what we say that tries to reject or disown another part of ourselves which is the underdog.
These 2 aspects can be in an inner conflict, and when they are, we are actually in a polarity, and a polarity is a quality of opposite. So our internal energy is actually in an opposing conflict within ourselves, and this causes us to come out of alignment, and to really feel at ease within ourselves, where we don’t feel fully safe and connected and regulated within ourselves.
And so, when we are in an internal polarity, the way out of that is, by finding internal resonance. and when we find internal resonance, we begin with the dominant aspect of our energy that is really pulling us out of alignment. So it might be an internal manager. So something that is managing how we think we ought to be so if we can find internal resonance with the manager. What that means is we are finding the energetic quality so not the narratives, not the beliefs, not even the values, just the energetic quality. And so maybe that energetic manager is very rigid and restless. And so we go into rigidity and restlessness from our awake awareness.
So if we are in that internal manager, and we believe that it is truth, and we’re hyper identified with it, it can take over our whole being. But if we can really wrap awake awareness, that part of ourselves that is already awake, that is always aware around that manager and find the resonant quality with it, it begins to move because it feels seen, it feels, heard, it feels met, almost like a remedy. This quality of sameness is such beautiful medicine. And then that Underdog in Gestalt we would also bring an energetic resonance there. So maybe that’s a part of us that’s scared or more timid, and feel into that as part of our beautiful humanity, but without getting swept away by it, and believing that it is who we are. So we’re not going into the narratives we’re not starting to cultivate and reinforce an identity with any aspect of ourselves. We’re simply finding energetic resonance, the quality of energy. And we’re meeting it and amplifying it with consciousness.
When we’re able to do that with ourselves, find energetic resonance, we can create more internal fluidity more internal spaciousness and we can come back into alignment where we’re not getting pulled off of ourselves. From this polarity. We are back home to the truth of who we are, where our energy body is full, not contracted in any one pattern, in any rigid, familiar, habitual pattern, where there’s more fluidity and openness to the spontaneous expression of life through us, and when we are able to continue to allow life to flow through us in this way we actually are cultivating deep self-trust to meet life. Life unfolds to be in discovery without trying to control ourselves or control life, and when we can find that internal, energetic resonance within ourselves, we can also begin to find it with the people in our lives.
If you’re a therapist or a coach that would be with your clients. If you’re a teacher with your students, if you’re a parent with your children, if you are a partner or a lover with your beloved. And when we do this, when we’re finding energetic resonance with other people, it’s important that we don’t lose access to our own alignment. We need this spontaneous expression of life flowing through us from our true self-consciousness, not from the consciousness of the ego, from our consciousness of the true self in order to enter into the energetic resonance of the people in our lives where we are not trying to fix them, change them, offer them advice, we are simply meeting them where they are at in that energetic vibration without losing our own energetic vibration. And this obviously takes a tremendous amount of awareness. Awake. Awake Awareness, tremendous amount of skill, curiosity, regulation.
But, for example, if we’re doing this with our children, this is how we co-regulate. This is where 2 nervous systems meet. Contact one another in what is present without trying to change what is present, just getting more in touch with what is right here, and making more room for it. So that room and spaciousness and awareness allows whatever is happening to start to move.
I’m going to give you an example:
There was this time, many, many years ago, when one of my children didn’t want to have a birthday party. They were quite young. They were about 6 years old at the time they didn’t want to have a birthday party, and for me, in my motherly state I was trying to solve that problem because I was seeing it as a problem. I was trying to offer options from really the goodness of my intention trying to give options to my child, and I can see that my child was digging in more into their fear the more options I gave, the more uncertain and fear, and and the less herd that they felt, and really I just wanted my child to know that I loved them, and that I was here for them. And so I paused myself. I caught myself and what I was doing, and I said, “You’re scared.”
I found that place in me that also knows what it’s like to feel insecure and uncertain and scared, and I just met my child in that fear I validated. I sort of makes sense to me that you’re feeling scared and uncertain and there was more breath and more spaciousness in that energetic resonance we found connection. Because that connection was met with energetic resonance, it was able to begin to move. It wasn’t just in my words. My words were the expression of it. I first found that space inside of my body where I know what that feels like from my own version, but I didn’t say, Oh, I have my own version of that. I just simply found it within myself, from my mature way self, and met my child there, and they knew that I understood that I was a safe space, that they could tell me about their fear, and that I trusted them to find their way. Through. Which I do, you know, and we can be in discovery. And maybe this year my child makes a decision that they wished they made different. And so they learn from that and find it again next year. That’s part of growing and learning and being a discovery of what feels good for us. And that’s what I want for my children.
This ability to see somebody for their experience stay in the truth of our experience, yet also find resonance and meet them. There is important, because if we don’t, we’re holding a polarity. So just like internally, we can hold an internal polarity externally, if my child is scared and I’m trying to solve, then I’m holding a polarity. I’m holding the position of power. I’m holding the position of solver while my child holds the position of scared and insecure. But when I shifted away from that I actually was in right use of power, and I met my child in the fear. and validated the fear with love, with presence and with awake awareness. And so now we’re in energetic resonance which is sameness.
I can see that that is a lot of information for one video here. So if you have any questions about finding energetic resonance either internally or with somebody else. Please let me know. And really this is about being in discovery, being curious about ourselves and about other people and not disowning anything, not rejecting anything, not trying to fix or change anything, trusting the wholeness of our being, trusting the wholeness of other people’s being, and really honoring what is called organismic self-regulation, that within our own innate, inherent intelligence we can find our way back within ourselves. Once we stop resisting or identifying with any one aspect of ourselves that we can find our way back home to ourselves.
I wish you so many blessings on your journey into alignment, and living from alignment, and if you’d like more support in cultivating your alignment, please check out the spiritually aligned.com, where we have so many resources for therapists and coaches, as well as anyone who really wants to continue to deepen into their alignment and facilitate alignment, and the links will be in the comments. Thank you.
