In this video we are going to be talking about the energetics of the attachment system. As you may know, the attachment system is what has us feel safe and secure with the people in our lives, or depending on our relational setup and our own internal attachment system can have us feel disconnected or anxious and insecure. And in this video we are going to be talking about the energetics of that attachment system, as it relates to the energetic chords that we create with the people in our lives, our loved ones, our friends, our family, our partner. Before we dive into that. I want to let you know that I wrote a book for you. Align living and loving from the true self is a comprehensive map of how to come back home to the truth of who you are, and how to honor the sacred place within yourself, as you connect with and honor. The people in your life is available on Amazon and Barnes and noble Com. I also created these self-guided alignment cards. There’s 48 cards. In this deck each card has a wisdom teaching, and a sentence stem to support you, and living and loving from your true self and these are great in your own contemplative practice for cultivating your own self-awareness, and also in your work with clients, group counseling parties, friends, intimate partnership. If the people in your life like to dive deep.
The attachment system is so essential and integral to the way that we show up in life, and the attachment system is seeded in our vagus nerve which houses our social engagement system as it relates to our nervous system regulation. And so, when our nervous system feels regulated and we’re available for our self. And we can hold ourselves in our experience and co-regulate with the people in our lives and have reciprocal relationships that feel secure where we’re in one another’s care. And if somebody is not available for us, we can be available for ourselves. That’s the essence of a secure attachment style. And when we have the security with ourselves, and we really have that in real time, with the people in our lives, or at least all person in our lives with the person that we feel that security. With that we know that they’re there when we reach out, and we know that we’re going to be okay if they aren’t there, and that we generally have a positive view of relationship of ourselves and of other people energetically between us and that person. We have a healthy attachment cord that’s mutually beneficial, that the relationship honors both of us as sovereign beings and energetically, even when we’re a part, we can still feel that health and the beauty of that connection.
In those attachment chords the expression of our energy is always in service of love and of goodness, extending positive regard. If we need something or want something, we ask for it. And internally, there’s an expression of health that’s emerging from our system and receiving from the other person system. It’s reciprocal. And this can happen energetically without words when we are not even in the same place with the other person. The energy can transmute through space and time, and we can feel the love and the security of that relationship when we have an attachment wound that is guiding the way that we are showing up for a relationship. We can energetically start to throw or utilize dark attachment courts when we don’t know how to ask for what we want, when we don’t know how to be available for our experience, when we don’t extend curiosity and positive regard to the other person, or we don’t feel safe with them. We have our our energetic chords, our attachment cords that are going to stand up to show you they’re right here on either side of the the solar plexus near the belly button near the umbilical cord. We start throwing dark chords to try to get our needs met, which means we might energetically try to hook somebody or put some energetic feelers out to see how the other person is doing so that we can adjust our behavior for them because we don’t feel safe and secure with them, or we’re angry, and we don’t know how to be available for our anger and speak on behalf of our true self. And so we throw a dark, energetic dagger and try to unconsciously try to hurt that person instead of actually be available for ourself and create a secure relationship and connection.
And so the subtle energy that is embedded in the attachment system that is embedded in the nervous system and our psychology or makeup of our mind all intertwined to create a really sophisticated way that we meet our relationships. And so it’s not only important to understand, for one, our attachment system to our psychology, the narratives that we’re making up about ourselves and the other person, and how identified we are with those thoughts. Do we believe these stories that we’re making up about ourselves and the other person? We fighting with reality, constructing a reality, blaming so on and so forth.
Being curious about our narratives and our psychology is so important, learning to be available for our nervous system regulation, like really opening up to ourselves is what allows us to create a secure base for ourselves. And from there the energy that we bring to our relationship comes from our alignment. And so, even if the people in our lives don’t know how to be a secure base for us, we know how to be a secure base for ourselves, and we are watching the energy that we put out into the world. And we’re aware of our attachment system in such a way that we learn how to create sovereign relationships with every single person in our lives, even our children in my life, with my children, from the time that they were very young. I always honored their sovereignty, their wisdom, their will, their curiosity, their desire. What pulls the attention of their mind? That doesn’t mean that I don’t set clear boundaries, that I don’t also have desire that I don’t also have my own perception, but I don’t put it on to them so oftentimes caregivers assert what they think, what they want, what they feel onto a child, and the child doesn’t have space to discover what is true for them as their own sovereign being their own self-governing being. And then that person, that child, grows up to, not know how to be secure in relationship with the other with the people in their lives, because they don’t have contact with their own truth.
So even from childhood, if caregivers can begin to trust the their children’s sovereignty, while also knowing what’s arising inside of them. That’s where we can create a secure connection and really healthy, energetic attachment cords. And when we are able to repair that. If we aren’t, if we don’t have that in childhood, we can grow up into an adult who can be in the practice of really humbly undoing these dark, energetic attachment courts, taking back the shadowy sort of sideways approach of trying to get what we want, and really starting to create secure relationships from security within ourselves. We attach to self in a secure way, and then we bring that into our relationship. We catch ourselves when we start making narratives of the other person start using our energy in distorted and dark ways. And we all do this.
I am not immune from this. You are not immune from this. This is what human beings do when we aren’t fully self-governing in our sovereignty, and when we, our attachment wounds are guiding us, and so learning how to repair our attachment wounds internally. We can then have an expression of security with the people on our lives, where we trust their sovereignty. We are not trying to change them. We are not trying to hook them. We don’t want to induce a negative feeling into them. We can be in clean, healthy relationships with secure, energetic attachment cords. If you want to know more about how to work with your attachment chords and how to create healthy, secure sovereign relationship. I have a course for you spiritually aligned relationships. It’s a beautiful course that you can take by yourself with a partner, with a friend, with your parent whomever you want to watch it with and really start to cultivate the deepest, most loving, open-hearted relationships in your life. Thank you so much for listening, and I I wish you the deepest repair of your attachment system, so that you can feel that sacred love from yourself, and bring that with you into all of your relationships in the most healthy, honoring way of both you and the people in your life. Thank you.